How do you demonstrate gratitude with meaning?
It’s fair to say that when we demonstrate gratitude, in whichever way, we assume that it will ‘work’. It will be accepted thankfully and graciously by the person we intend to thank and they will be enormously grateful in return. Indebted to you that you have made an effort to acknowledge their gift to you, whatever it was. But are they really? How do we know our message of gratitude has actually worked and hit the mark as we would wish? In short, we don’t. Here’s some things to think about when evaluating how to demonstrate gratitude.
What we say
Clearly the first and most obvious option is to simply say thank you! Easy to do but, how often do we say it and REALLY mean it. How often do we go out of our way to do it, even if it’s putting us out? We might be genuine and generous in our words but most often it can seem as somewhat cursory, a given, it’s just what you should do to be polite, so we do it so as not to appear rude. So, is saying thank you enough? Maybe not to create the depth of impact we want.
We can also give positive verbal feedback by way of thanks, it can be stronger but how can the recipient tell if our words are genuine? It can be tough to land your heartfelt gratitude in this way, especially in a world where thinly veiled compliments are dished out as a matter of course before we move onto the next task in our busy lives. So, if you’re going to provide positive verbal feedback as a way of thanks – be specific, be timely, be genuine. What’s the best way to say what you really feel, that articulates how that person has been supportive?
So, with that do words alone work? They might do (so we should keep doing it and be genuine), at least temporarily but the question is whether they live long in the memory and provide a real DEMONSTRATION of just how thankful we may be towards someone.
This then makes us consider what we actually DO to demonstrate gratitude i.e. an ACTION not just what we say. Is this a stronger way to demonstrate our gratitude to another person? Let’s think about it for a minute.
What we do
How about giving a gift. It’s a nice touch and most people like receiving them, but in the corporate world, how
often have you received a bottle of wine or some chocolates from a supplier that you’ve used once or twice and consequently been bowled over by their expression of gratitude. Hey, I love those things as much as the next person, and they’re a nice touch, but do they really get the point of heartfelt gratitude and thanks across from the giver? Did they really mean it? Maybe, or maybe you were just on a list and within the expenses budget. Gifts are still a part of the ‘gratitude armoury’ though.
What about a hand-written note? A nice touch, a bit more effort than an email for sure, that may even require snail mail if you’re working remotely. Still, it stands out, demonstrates the care, time and energy you have put into your thank-you. One of our clients has chosen to hand-make holiday cards for colleagues, friends and family this year, as part of combining her purpose with creativity – an element of her being at her best, she really misses from the past. Perhaps this is the best kind of gratitude – it’s super authentic and thoughtful to the other person and really rewarding to you?
Offering your time and expertise
This takes effort and when we have a million things going on, is it what we want to be doing with our time? Well, yes! It’s the very point. Many people have competing priorities so that is what makes the gift of time and expertise even more valuable and impactful. Going out of your way to show an interest in spending time with someone that might really need it or benefit from it, is not something that is offered as a cursory gift. Someone once asked me: What’s the most valuable thing you can give someone? Answer: Time..not a piece of jewellery for example, earn enough money and buy what you want and give it to someone…but the gift of time, especially when you don’t have much of it, intentionally given to someone that will value it and benefit from it, is one of the strongest gifts possible.
However you show gratitude..really mean it!
If you’ve ever read the book the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, you’ll appreciate how different ways of demonstrating gratitude (love, care, etc) resonate differently with people. Understanding what makes people tick and what they appreciate is perhaps the best way of most authentically demonstrating gratitude in a way that will be most appealing to them. For example, is it words of affirmation (say it / write it) or acts of services (help them out with something), or quality time (spend 121 time with them, with no distractions).
However you intend to show gratitude, meaning is the golden thread…you can say thank you, you can give someone some wine, you can offer to do something for someone and you can spend your time with them..but if you don’t REALLY MEAN IT, it can come across as lip service and therefore may lack impact. In summing up, to make your demonstration of gratitude genuinely count it doesn’t really matter what you say, buy or do, its whether you mean it or not and what may mean most to them. You will know if you do and so will the recipient. It will show up. Whatever you do next, make it count by doing it with meaning.
If you’d like to learn more about meaningful demonstrations of gratitude in life and work, please get in touch.